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A beautiful poem by a CDI member


Can you hear me ?

Ever since I was young I had dreams of being the opposite gender

Its taken me 30 to do anything about it

For someone who could be transgendered it has taken a long time for me to figure it out

But I cant be certain what is true or what’s absolute.

I have learned a lot about myself in the pasted 6 months.

But now after 30 years I am beginning to understand what I really I Am

For many years from curiosity, fear, confusion, and over thinking.

Traits that all humans have always have

Many ears ago I have had temptations about dressing like all the girls.

I was too afraid to try anything so I did the simplest thing

I simply compressed it.

At first my willpower was enough to compress it.

But it wasn’t enough.

The more I tried to compress it the more it fought to get out.

Like a virus inside me the more I compress it the more it fought to get out

Realizing that it was going to be with me for my whole life I made a decision to experiment

Ironically I did this to preserve my regular life

I figured it I do it once I would never have to do it again.

But I was wrong the more I did it the more it feed off it.

Like a drug the more you do it the more you depend on it.

There is a danger in secretes both in knowing and seeking out

Lots of time the things we think are absolute are untrue

Some secretes are meant to be hidden.

Secretes can ruin your life.

Coming out as transgendered is one such secrete

I wonder if I will truly be happy

I wonder If I will truly understand who I am


There will always be confusion and there will always be temptations





About cdinyc2012

Crossdressers International Incorporated is a member-supported adult transgendered group focused on support and social activities, serving the New York City metropolitan area. CDI is qualified as a non-profit corporation under section 501(c) 7 of the federal tax code. In the beginning, as stated in “Our History”, our founders envisioned CDI to be an all inclusive, welcoming haven for those seeking to come to terms with their transgendered nature. While the majority of our members and friends identify as cross dressers, we have served as a refuge for those who identify as transsexual, drag queen, and gender queer as well. Historically, our focus has been on the m-f crossdresser/transgendered. However, we do welcome those who identify from the f-m experience. While many of our members are long time comfortable with their transgender identity, we have never lost sight that our basic mission is to stand ready to provide a welcoming sanctuary for those who are taking their very first steps of self discovery. We know from our own experience that this can be a frightening time for those who have been closeted. The fear of loss of family, friends, employment, and standing in ones community can be overwhelming. And all for merely being gender different. Even today in our changing times the fear of discovery, ridicule, and worse can be terrifying for those who are attempting to safely practice their gender expression. WE are here for you. We make no claims of being “expert” in any matters, yet through our individual and collective experience we are highly knowledgeable. CDI also serves as a resource center where we can direct you to qualified professionals should that be desired. In short, we believe that groups like ours help to save lives. Sometimes just a welcoming smile and spoken kindness can be enough to assure someone (and maybe that’s you!) that they are not alone. For whatever reason each of us were dealt this hand from birth. For years many of us have considered it a curse. At CDI we believe that once liberated from the isolation of the closet that in time you will come to see your own transgenderism as a “gift”. So whether experienced or not, come - We welcome you, and we exist for you!

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