RSS Feed

Self Defense En Femme

Posted on


    A self-defense primer…long…but very relevant to all TGs. Read it a bit at a time.

Nikki, the author of this thoughtful essay, is an Accomplished Martial Artist and personal trainer with a Degree in Sports medicine who specializes in Body Transformations available for One-on-one or Self-Defense/ Martial Arts. Call 201-888-7357  (She offers personalized training for you as a male or en femme)


It all starts off so innocently… You are off with friends dressed to the hilt in stilettos and a nice mini dress to show off all the work you’ve been doing at the gym, feeling great and loving your feminine self and your look! Friends start to peel off in different directions as the parking lot starts to empty. Last call for alcohol sounds up from the bartender. Where did the night go? Dancing and enjoying the night out dressed as the women you truly are inside…but wow, it’s late!

It’s almost 3am as you start to walk toward the exit feeling a little tipsy. Guess I shouldn’t have had that last glass of wine. Hmm, you wonder, was that guy there the whole time staring at you? You take a few more steps towards the door, and yes, he also steps towards you. For a moment panic creeps into your mind! Okay, remain calm, it’s fine…he probably just was walking in your direction. Now you stop and say good night to your bouncer friend and give a quick look over your shoulder as he exits the building toward the parking lot, which you notice has gotten extremely desolate and dark. I guess a few more of those lights must have burned out. The street seems eerily quiet except for the clicking of your stilettos on the pavement. But it’s only a few blocks more to the subway as you notice a drunk in an alley out cold. You stop for a second to reach for your metro card…but wait, what was that sound? The click-clack on the pavement is not yours. So who, then? The sound traveling like the vibration of a bass drum echoes in the quiet night and by the pale moonlight and the few working street lights you can barely see!

The subway is only 3 blocks away. You begin to quicken your pace as you move to a brisk walk and then a light jog, but so do the footsteps behind you. As you go faster so do they! You’re in a race to the subway sign. Now you’re in a full-out sprint. Your heart is palpitating and your stomach is in knots. Damn that last glass of wine! You reach the stairs and a rush of blood from your running warms your face as you breathe a sigh of relief. Then you freeze as the lights shine on your worst nightmare! It’s him, the staring guy from the club. As he walks across the street you quickly zip through the turnstile and head down the stairs. Again your pulse quickens and your mind starts to imagine all those horror movies you’ve seen since you were a kid. But you try to calm down by saying he probably won’t even take the same train. You hear the footsteps again down the stairs and walking in your direction. He begins to whistle and say, “Hey Momma, been waiting to get you alone all night! Do you know what a guy like me can do to a gurl like you?” Now what do you do? Ignore him and hope he leaves you alone? Run for the stairs and hope you can find a cop? Or do you just quietly wait to see what his next move is, confident that you have the skills and the understanding to handle the situation!

Self-defense is as much an understanding of your surroundings (who, where, and what) as it is analyzing the situation and devising a plan to protect yourself from harm. This seminar will include lessons on awareness, courage, conviction, and if need be combat! Most people in a dangerous situation will panic (as in the above scenario). But in most cases a person who is afraid has also lost the fight. Why? Because that person has lost their ability to think and reason. Now you may think that if your potential attacker is drunk or pumped up on drugs this gives the person an advantage. But actually their perception is impaired, their motor skills are decreased, and their balance is limited because the substances are limiting blood flow to the brain and changing the brain’s chemistry; therefore, their ability to handle complex motor and hand-eye coordination skills—fighting—is severely limited. Now maybe you won’t be so afraid when some loud mouth drunk screams across the room at you.

Now what can you do to protect yourself? That’s a complicated question with a simple answer. Don’t allow the above situation to happen to you by doing the following:

  1. Always have a plan with friends before you go out to a club, a bar, or a party. It sounds simple but does require a little thought. Decide ahead of time where to meet at closing time and all leave together. As the Warriors basketball team says, there is strength in numbers. Plus from a psychological point of view most attackers will look for an easy mark like the woman above.
  2. We have already alluded to it, but always go out with at least one other girlfriend (preferably more if possible).
  3. When people are staring at you don’t look down. It is a mental sign of weakness and fear.
  4. When traveling to a new area, locate and make a mental note of police stations and any 24-hour gyms, delicatessens, diners, or retail stores. They are good places to get help or escape.
  5. Purchase mace or pepper spray and keep it with you at all times! If your state does not allow it to be sold, then you can create a valuable weapon in your purse by keeping two rolls of quarters in a zippered compartment and using them to hit an attacker.

These are just a few smart things you can do to help yourself stay safe and protect your right to have a good time.

If you found this article helpful, then please share it with all your friends. Remember, knowledge is power only when it’s shared.

Thanks Nikki


About cdinyc2012

Crossdressers International Incorporated is a member-supported adult transgendered group focused on support and social activities, serving the New York City metropolitan area. CDI is qualified as a non-profit corporation under section 501(c) 7 of the federal tax code. In the beginning, as stated in “Our History”, our founders envisioned CDI to be an all inclusive, welcoming haven for those seeking to come to terms with their transgendered nature. While the majority of our members and friends identify as cross dressers, we have served as a refuge for those who identify as transsexual, drag queen, and gender queer as well. Historically, our focus has been on the m-f crossdresser/transgendered. However, we do welcome those who identify from the f-m experience. While many of our members are long time comfortable with their transgender identity, we have never lost sight that our basic mission is to stand ready to provide a welcoming sanctuary for those who are taking their very first steps of self discovery. We know from our own experience that this can be a frightening time for those who have been closeted. The fear of loss of family, friends, employment, and standing in ones community can be overwhelming. And all for merely being gender different. Even today in our changing times the fear of discovery, ridicule, and worse can be terrifying for those who are attempting to safely practice their gender expression. WE are here for you. We make no claims of being “expert” in any matters, yet through our individual and collective experience we are highly knowledgeable. CDI also serves as a resource center where we can direct you to qualified professionals should that be desired. In short, we believe that groups like ours help to save lives. Sometimes just a welcoming smile and spoken kindness can be enough to assure someone (and maybe that’s you!) that they are not alone. For whatever reason each of us were dealt this hand from birth. For years many of us have considered it a curse. At CDI we believe that once liberated from the isolation of the closet that in time you will come to see your own transgenderism as a “gift”. So whether experienced or not, come - We welcome you, and we exist for you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: