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Op Ed to Annabelle’s shoe fetish essay

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Op Ed response to Annabelle’s  February shoe fetish essay
Sorry that it has taken so long, but I would like to respond to Annabelle’s February posting in Gender Awakenings.  First, I agree with her that sharing our experiences in Gender Awakenings is one of the things I enjoy most about the CDI Bulletin. (to learn how you can get The Bulletin, please contact  It is comforting to know that we are not alone, and have shared similar experiences with other gurls.  It is also interesting to see how we are similar in many ways, but also can be very different.  In order to answer her question of whether there is one item of women’s apparel that started it all, I have to start at the beginning.

I was lucky enough to have a friend at a very young age that shared my interest in playing dress up.  He had three brothers, and I had an older sister.  At first we did not have anything real to wear.  We would wrap towels around ourselves pretending they were skirts.  I once borrowed two of my sisters bathing suits and brought them over to his above ground pool.  We removed our swim trunks, and put on the bathing suits while we were in the pool.  At that same time, I also remember looking at the Sears Catalogue and admiring the little girls full slips.

Shortly thereafter I moved away, but the door to my feminine side had been opened.  Having a sister who got home from school later than me, and two working parents, I spent many an afternoon trying on her clothes.  At that time her bras, pettipants, and crinoline slips were my favorite items to wear.  As I got older, I believe that it was a combination of my male hormones kicking in, as well as my fear of being found out, but my dressing up went on the back burner until I got married.  However, even before we got married, I had already been successful in getting my wife to stop wearing cotton bras and panties, and switch over to items that I found more arousing.  My therapist told me that being around my wife and all of her pretty things was more than I could stand, and I just had to start wearing some of it.  It was very early in our marriage that I talked her into allowing me to sometimes wear her panties when we were being intimate.

In answer to the question of what was the item of clothing that I was first interested in, I must say it was ultimately lingerie.  However, I also know that as we develop and explore that side of our personality, we begin to purchase more and more things to make the transformation more complete.  Then as we begin to go out, and are seen by other gurls and/or admirers, we need to have more than one outfit so that we are not being seen in the same outfit every time we go out.  For many of us it is difficult to make these purchases, store them, and hide them from our spouses.  I am lucky enough to have a closet in my basement all to myself with a variety of different items.  I now have black, blue, pink, and red shoes and purses.  I also have a red coat for winter outings.  In short, I believe that we start with one item that allows us to express that side of us, and then it evolves into a need to buy everything that we need to allow us to try to pass as real women.  Thanks Michelle.


About cdinyc2012

Crossdressers International Incorporated is a member-supported adult transgendered group focused on support and social activities, serving the New York City metropolitan area. CDI is qualified as a non-profit corporation under section 501(c) 7 of the federal tax code. In the beginning, as stated in “Our History”, our founders envisioned CDI to be an all inclusive, welcoming haven for those seeking to come to terms with their transgendered nature. While the majority of our members and friends identify as cross dressers, we have served as a refuge for those who identify as transsexual, drag queen, and gender queer as well. Historically, our focus has been on the m-f crossdresser/transgendered. However, we do welcome those who identify from the f-m experience. While many of our members are long time comfortable with their transgender identity, we have never lost sight that our basic mission is to stand ready to provide a welcoming sanctuary for those who are taking their very first steps of self discovery. We know from our own experience that this can be a frightening time for those who have been closeted. The fear of loss of family, friends, employment, and standing in ones community can be overwhelming. And all for merely being gender different. Even today in our changing times the fear of discovery, ridicule, and worse can be terrifying for those who are attempting to safely practice their gender expression. WE are here for you. We make no claims of being “expert” in any matters, yet through our individual and collective experience we are highly knowledgeable. CDI also serves as a resource center where we can direct you to qualified professionals should that be desired. In short, we believe that groups like ours help to save lives. Sometimes just a welcoming smile and spoken kindness can be enough to assure someone (and maybe that’s you!) that they are not alone. For whatever reason each of us were dealt this hand from birth. For years many of us have considered it a curse. At CDI we believe that once liberated from the isolation of the closet that in time you will come to see your own transgenderism as a “gift”. So whether experienced or not, come - We welcome you, and we exist for you!

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