Dr. Kit Rachlin is a gender therapist based in Manhattan
Dear Dr. Kit:
I would like to ask Dr. Kit in her experience what percentage of her TG/CD clients like to play with other gurls and/or admirers when they are dressed up. Hugs. Michelle.
I don’t keep exact statistics, so I can’t give you a number percentage. The answer is “a lot!” As your question implies, not everybody does play with other people. Some people dress only in private. They may prefer that because they enjoy the ability to become completely absorbed in their own thoughts and their own image. For others, it is a lone pursuit because they are ashamed, shy, or do not have a partner to share the experience of being dressed. And of course some people do have partners, but the partners do not want to see them or play with them when they are dressed up.
The words “like to play” suggest that the person actually does play. Certainly a great number of people would “like to play”, but never actually do. So, let’s turn to desire before we discuss actual experience. Research shows that most crossdressers are heterosexual, that is they identify as men who are sexually attracted to women. It makes sense, then, that many of those would like to have sex with women while crossdressed. They may think of themselves as a man or as another woman in this sex act. Those same people who want to have sex with women may also be turned on, or even more turned on, by the idea of sex with another crossdresser or by the idea of having sex with a man while dressed as a woman. This is not a typical homosexual desire, as they are not turned on by the idea of two men together. It can be a lesbian or heterosexual interest if they envision themselves to be women in the encounter.
Now, to move from fantasy to reality, with a stop in the virtual world. The most common contact people have with others is on-line. They flirt and “play” with other gurls and/or admirers virtually through photos, email, Skype, and text, without the risks associated with a real meeting. Every day I hear stories about clients who are turned on by photos of other people crossdressed. They admire the other gurls and want to play with them. Clients in therapy often want to analyze the desire for crossdressers or transgender women who have male genitals. We talk about it, but it is very unlikely that anyone will ever uncover the “why”. All one can say is that they can appreciate the particular appeal and sexual allure of blending gender in this way. Do they feel understood and accepted more by someone who crossdresses? Do they see a female person who has similar history and sex drives? We could come up with lots of theories. The internet affects some people by encouraging a desire for new and more unusual sexual interests. One may go on-line originally looking up something rather common and months later be caught in an unrelenting drive to see more and more unusual and extreme scenarios. This can be the path for people who start with some private crossdressing earlier in life and then find the wide world of crossdressing pornography on-line.
Most people I know would like to have a real playmate who will love them when they are dressed. Play can be an expression of a sexual drive, but is often much more. When you are a crossdresser then you need someone to desire you when you are – crossdressed. If a crossdresser is in a marriage, or relationship with a person who is unable to love the partner crossdressed, that will always be a source of sadness. As you know if you’ve been around for a while, other gurls are sometimes admirers and male admirers may have a feminine side as well. I hear complaints that the admirers are too focused on sex. But I have met admirers who are sincere and would love to have a special relationship that includes emotional closeness.
Why would crossdressers be different from anyone else? People want to share their sexual turn-ons with other people, whether part of a fun and casual friendship or a more serious loving relationship – Which makes this the perfect topic for Valentine’s Day.