This is the first time I have written. I was a CDI member and key holder for a number of years until about 2003. Then I left because I felt I needed to move on. I haven’t dressed since. I had purged multiple times before CDI but always found the urges returning eventually. Last year it happened again so I rejoined although not as a key holder. I have enjoyed reading the Bulletin since although I haven’t yet visited the apartment. I haven’t dressed again yet and have not yet gotten a wardrobe this time. I have thought about becoming a key holder again to have a place to keep things and to express this side of myself when I can and want to. For me, it seems that it is always only a matter of time before my desires and actual dreams return. No one in my “real life” knows and no one will. My potential losses are too great and I don’t want to hurt those I love. But the urge never goes away permanently for me. CDI was a refuge and those of you, if any, who remember me may well see me again.