My gender seems to change, depending on what’s happening in my life at the moment, or what part of my brain is dominant.
When I’m deep into the left side of my brain, doing something scientific (like writing a computer program) or mathematical (like doing my income taxes), I’m a heterosexual male, in dress and behavior. I think of him as Gary. He’s the persona that developed according to societal norms.
When I’m deep into the right side of my brain, I call myself Mikelle. She’s a pansexual tgurl who loves to dress and put on makeup.
When I’m straddling the middle, I’m a bisexual gurly boi, whom I think of as Mikey. Although Mikey doesn’t dress, he wears mascara, nude lipstick, panties, women’s shoes and pants or shorts that can pass for men’s unless you look closely.
The problem, of course, is my live-in girl friend has a great deal of difficulty wrapping her head around all this. She wants to see things as gay or heterosexual, not the reality of my gender fluid nature.
However, she is trying, in her own way. She gave Mikelle a lot of her clothes that she can no longer fit into. She also helped me pick out the right shade of foundation at Sephora today.
She still can’t deal with seeing me dressed, so I can’t do it when she’s home, which is a lot.
We’re going to start couples therapy within the next few weeks to start dealing with this issue.
We’ve been together a long time and we both want the relationship to work.