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Gender Awakenings

I have purged again. After all the progress in coming out to my fiancee that I had made, I was at a place where I felt like I had no choice. At first, she seemed very open to try and understand about my crossdressing, but it wasn’t long before it became very obvious that she just wanted me to be “cured”. In order to save our relationship, I got rid of all my clothes and my beautiful shoes. It was such a painful experience.

However, in the last few weeks I have learned something. The desire to dress en femme and let out the woman that I am inside is all a part of who I am. Its not something I need to be “cured” of. We talked things out over and over again and things seem to be turning out for the better between us. There were more things that we needed to work out, and my crossdressing was the one that was easier to focus on when the other issues seemed too difficult to address. Having worked a lot of things out, I am happy to say that I am back, although I’ll be starting from scratch to rebuild a feminine wardrobe.

It’s been a little while since I have done any shopping and I totally need a new wig. If anyone has places in NYC that they would recommend I’m all ears.

Thanks Alexis


About cdinyc2012

Crossdressers International Incorporated is a member-supported adult transgendered group focused on support and social activities, serving the New York City metropolitan area. CDI is qualified as a non-profit corporation under section 501(c) 7 of the federal tax code. In the beginning, as stated in “Our History”, our founders envisioned CDI to be an all inclusive, welcoming haven for those seeking to come to terms with their transgendered nature. While the majority of our members and friends identify as cross dressers, we have served as a refuge for those who identify as transsexual, drag queen, and gender queer as well. Historically, our focus has been on the m-f crossdresser/transgendered. However, we do welcome those who identify from the f-m experience. While many of our members are long time comfortable with their transgender identity, we have never lost sight that our basic mission is to stand ready to provide a welcoming sanctuary for those who are taking their very first steps of self discovery. We know from our own experience that this can be a frightening time for those who have been closeted. The fear of loss of family, friends, employment, and standing in ones community can be overwhelming. And all for merely being gender different. Even today in our changing times the fear of discovery, ridicule, and worse can be terrifying for those who are attempting to safely practice their gender expression. WE are here for you. We make no claims of being “expert” in any matters, yet through our individual and collective experience we are highly knowledgeable. CDI also serves as a resource center where we can direct you to qualified professionals should that be desired. In short, we believe that groups like ours help to save lives. Sometimes just a welcoming smile and spoken kindness can be enough to assure someone (and maybe that’s you!) that they are not alone. For whatever reason each of us were dealt this hand from birth. For years many of us have considered it a curse. At CDI we believe that once liberated from the isolation of the closet that in time you will come to see your own transgenderism as a “gift”. So whether experienced or not, come - We welcome you, and we exist for you!

3 responses »

  1. Many of us “Purge” our femme clothes out of shame. I know that was how I felt. When I was in college, I remember throwing my clothes and shoes into a dumpster in back of a pizza place, terrified if anyone would see me.

    Shame is a horrible emotion to feel. It almost has a quality of despair. By destroying the evidence, we feel we can go on with our lives and forget about it, but deep down, we know it will never go away. Ever. That feeling to dress will always be there.

    I think the best thing a cross-dresser can do is be with other cross-dressers. No one can truly understand us, except within the transgendered community. Unity and love overcomes shame and despair.

  2. Best of luck to you with this. I can image the challenge it must be for you.

  3. I feel so intensely for you…….I’ve purged so so many times……beautiful beautiful things, gone from me forever…….

    There’s simply nothing we can do to stop this……and it’s a beautiful, intense, intimate thing about our life…….

    Hugs Alexis


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